Two years since my last post?! How is that possible? These past two years have brought a lot of change. One of the biggest was moving in with my girlfriend last year. I am now a resident of Pasadena, CA. I love it! So many fun things to do. Living here doesn’t help my coffee addiction though – coffee shops everywhere! My fav!
Life gets busy. Work, school, relationship, animals, parents, siblings, etc. It all takes time and effort. One thing I’ve always kept is writing. It may not be here, but yes, I do have a journal and enjoy getting my thoughts and feelings out. I’ve slacked on that, too. I miss it. It was the one thing that I could be completely vulnerable with. Open. So here’s my attempt at it again.
As a 30 year old lesbian woman, I still come out all the time. We do that when we’re “different”. We have to announce it, ya know? And there’s always that shock factor. At least for me. It’s dumb, but it’s true. As I’ve gotten older, I could care less what people think of me. Being a teacher, I used to care… the judgement, the fact I had to work around people who may not be ok with it, parents who didn’t agree, students who looked at me as “weird”. It was all in my head.
Everyone has a different story. A different view. A different opinion, thought, feeling, etc. This is just my view and what has worked in my life. Coming out just gets easier and easier and the worry of being judged lessens as you learn your own self-worth and what you deserve from of people.
It does get better… but just because it gets better doesn’t mean it doesn’t hurt when you are judged.
Listen, I’m keeping it real now. Last year (after 3 years of being with my girlfriend already), I asked my father to meet her. See previous posts about my father (he’s not the warmest, most supportive man, but had gotten better over the years.) Well, let’s just say it was a HELL NO. His face spoke the words I didn’t want to hear out of his mouth. He was disgusted first and foremost just by me asking. We had the most tremendous, horrific, heart-breaking conversation we’ve ever had. There was yelling, crying, and harsh words said. It basically came down to, “I don’t want any part of your life, your joke of a future marriage, and your future illegitimate children.”
No exaggeration here. I cried so hard that night. It’s one thing to have someone not agree with your lifestyle, but when it’s your parent… a person who is supposed to love you unconditionally, it’s such a deep pain.
I don’t want your sympathy. My story is nothing compared to others. But here’s where it gets better. You choose happiness. You choose to move on with your life and live your truth. You can’t stop your world to please someone else’s. My father may come around, he may not. Yeah it still hurts sometimes, but I remind myself that it’s not me. It’s him. He’s the one missing out.
Choose to be happy. Don’t hide to please everyone else. We’ve got one life, let’s live it the best we can!